


Road to recovery, from an angel's eyes.

by monbby



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: ... it's IM changkyun not LIM, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Death, F/M, Not Happy, but is he?, major angst, never thought that'd bother me as much as it does but all i can do is just deal with it, no way of sugarcoating that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-09-01 07:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16761034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monbby/pseuds/monbby
Summary: He scoffed. With the way she's acting, it's as if SHE'S the one who's six feet under.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought dying was bad, but he found out what's worse.
> 
> Having to see his loved ones suffer because of his death.

His eyes snapped wide open. 

He looked around with unsettlement surrounding his senses, his own sweat making his clothes stick to his skin. When he realised he could still breathe and look around, Changkyun sighed out of relief. He was alive, somehow. Apparently, that bus had just missed him by a hair. Maybe the panic and adrenaline coursing through his veins is the reason why his whole body hurts?

"-un!"

Was someone calling his name? It seemed like it, but the sound was just faint enough that he couldn't trust his own ears.

"-ngkyun!"

It seemed a bit clearer now, and it sounded like [Name], now that he thought about it. He looked to his left, and-

Oh, fuck.

There lay him, he supposed, laying on the ground. Blood was gushing out of every surface of his skin, and if he looked closer, he knew some bones of his were sticking out of his body. He could handle gore from time to time, but knowing that it was him that had all this on display made his stomach churn and want to throw up, if he even could.

He instantly looked at [Name]'s directions, because God knows she couldn't handle even the sight of a paper-cut on him without being just the slightest bit squeamish. True to his thoughts, she was bawling her eyes out and despite her own fear of blood and gore, reaching out for Changkyun -the physical Changkyun, the one she can actually see- and waited for him to just sneak a peek at her state and just exclaim that she was pranked hard. He wasn't like that, though, and she knew that he wasn't.

"Changkyun! Changkyun! Please, breathe, please!" Her breath hitched every few seconds, clutching onto his clothes with despair. "Wake up! Wake up, please!" Despite her being the one telling him to wake up, Changkyun knew that deep down, she was the one who wanted to wake up from this hellish nightmare. However, reality is the worst nightmare, and you can't really wake up from it. She rested her head on his chest, hoping on a miracle that she could feel his heartbeat as well as using his clothes to soak up her tears. Changkyun tentatively walked to her and attempted to pat her back, but his hand went completely through her back when he tried. He retracted his hand immediately, worried that he might've hurt [Name] in any way, but by the way that she wasn't even fazed, she probably didn't even feel anything at all.

Well, anything that isn't misery, sorrow, and every synonym for torment that exists.

"Ma'am? Ma'am, we're going to have to take him to the hospital, please let go of him," Someone drew her attention to him, and a team of people from behind him placed Changkyun's body on- Something, he didn't know what the name was. A bed with borders around them and wheels to allow for easy movement, they then wheeled him into the inside of an ambulance. Someone called for an ambulance in the midst of all of this, but it was useless. Well, obviously, since Changkyun, _ghost_ Changkyun, was seeing the whole scene unfold.

"No! NO!" [Name] refused to let go and thrashed around as other people tried to separate them. "Changkyun!"

She reached out for the body, holding the border of the bed. “I won’t let go of you!”

Changkyun sighed, wistful showing in his eyes. She will have to, at some point.

_______________

Time went by for a few days, and here they are. A name and the dates of his lifetime was etched onto a gravestone, but the very sight of that gravestone was still hard to believe. For his friends, his family, and of course, her.

[Name] knew not to blame the hospital, they didn’t do anything wrong and she knew Changkyun’s fate was sealed by the time he got hit by that truck, that _damn_ truck, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Her breath hitched, and before she knew it, tears fell down her cheeks yet again.

Kihyun noticed her failing efforts to be quiet and tried his best to comfort her by pulling her in for a hug. Despite the intense feeling of dread hanging around in the air, Changkyun’s entire group of friends managed to arrive, all bringing either a bouquet of lilies or white carnations, but they all displayed a mourning expression.

Changkyun looked at the scenery in front of him not by his will. He wondered what it would be like to be able to be heard already, because if he could be heard, he’d give some kind of message for the rest of them.

But he couldn’t.

And now, the process begins.

For all of them, of course, but he’s more worried about [Name]’s time than anyone else’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I get many ideas during exam week, but if I'm lucky and actually /try/ to have good time management skills, by the time you're reading this, exam week has already ended!!
> 
> So, Changkyun, right? And, angst, huh? Doesn't that sound like a recipe for a book, for you? I know it does for me, which is why I started this book. Now, Changkyun is my bias (if you couldn't tell by my profile picture and the fact that my first work here is a story w/ him as a lead), and usually I don't write angst. Or at least, none of which with him in it, being the one to suffer. But, with the way the story is going, both the reader AND Changkyun will suffer just as much! Also, I'll be using female pronouns, because I'm kinda used to it (and I've never written from a male's perspective before so please forgive me if I depict something incorrectly) so, there's that. And just as a note, while this DOES use Third POV, it'll be Third POV but with Changkyun's side of the story. He's the viewer of how this whole ordeal goes down, and to be more specific, he'll be watching how the Reader goes through this tragedy considering she was with him the most recent before he died. And, she's the most emotionally vulnerable if that makes sense?
> 
> Got it?


	2. Denial.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's lying to herself, more than anyone else. He thinks that's the most hurtful thing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> instead of studying, i wrote just about the rest of the book in one night. and, now i'm finally posting them! so, enjoy??
> 
> unedited.

It’s been 3- no, 4 weeks since the incident. He realises he likes to say that more than accepting his own death. Then again, who could come to terms that they’re actually dead? 

[Name] hasn't been doing so well, he figures. He sees her all the time, and all those times, she acts like she could still see him, feel him, hear him- Like he exists, but he doesn’t.

Not anymore. 

“Hey, Changkyun.” She calls out, smiling weakly. “Been doing good? I got you some flowers.” She places the bouquet on top of his grave.

He wonders what kind of damage that must do to someone, act like everything’s fine when it’s not - more so since he wasn’t alive in any way.

“Let’s go to that new cafe ‘round the block, it really looks like your style!” Despite the smile, he knows she was feeling pain on the inside. That smile did not reach her eyes, it was forced, a mask of some kind.

He could choke on his words all he wants, he could think about what he wanted to say all he wants, but the words he wanted to say will never get to her.

“[Name]?” That is Kihyun’s voice, he knows that with certainty. She looks behind her, turning around to see Kihyun with car keys in his hand, and worry in his eyes. “Let’s go now, it’s about to rain.”

She nods in response, “Come on, Changkyun, let’s go back home and trash Kihyun-oppa’s house together.” She grins, but near tears when she walks back with Kihyun, his arms wrapped around her trembling body to keep her from falling to the ground.

_ [“You’re not okay, but at least you’re alive.”]  _

He sighed, slumping and looking at the ground.


	3. Anger.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's going on? Shouting, crashes, and broken hearts. That's anger for you.

It’s been... 4 months? A solid 4 months, at least, since the incident. At this point in time, he guesses her emotional stability was anything but stable.

He is right.

“Why didn’t that fucking truck driver watch where he was going?! Why did the weather conveniently decide rain would be perfect for this?!” She gets mad at anything and possibly everything, so much so that her flatmate decided that she would be best quarantined in her own room. Of course, that only made things worse.

“Why are you like this to me?! Why am I trapped in my own room?! Tell me, Miyoung!” If the room isn’t locked, she would be on her way to claw at Miyoung’s skin. But it is, so she isn’t.

A knock on the door, Minhyuk this time around. He’s been accompanying her more lately. Not as a mood-lifter but as some kind of bottle, keeping all of her emotions in place. It’s the one way her emotions aren’t over the place 100%, he salutes him for offering to be a vessel.

“What-”

“Hey, it’s Minhyuk.” By the sound of his voice, Miyoung opens the door, letting him in. Changkyun wonders how many times he’s been here, and if Miyoung knows why he’s there at all. She probably does, car accidents get on the news all the time and she’d recognise [Name]’s face in a flash. Not that she’d want to, though.

“[Name]’s in her room, I locked her door.” Miyoung says it like it’s something to be proud of.

“... Why?” Minhyuk asks, tilting his head a bit at the statement.

Miyoung shrugged, “I couldn’t handle it. She’s all yours to deal with now, I gotta go to work.”

Miyoung leaves Minhyuk alone in the flat, snacks and tissues in hand. With a deep breath, he knocks on her bedroom door.

_[“How inconvenient, I’m sorry...”]_

He mutters a good luck to Minhyuk. He could hear him repeat it, too.


	4. Bargaining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people have to learn the hard way that sometimes, you can't always get what you want.

You can’t change the past, and definitely not with wishful thinking, sleepless nights, and unrealistic hope. To think you can would be a bad mindset to have, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to get rid of it.

It’s been 6 months since the incident. Changkyun thinks that now, since she’s already naturally regretful at times, that she would be gloomy 100% of the time now. Once again, he is right.

“I’ll stop annoying him if he can come back to life.” “I’ll make sure he’s taking care of himself if he’s alive, please.” “I won’t be bothering him when he needs alone time anymore, just please-”

Hearing all that constantly gives a sort of effect on Changkyun’s mind. A kind of effect that makes him want to scream. Scream “You’re already alright and okay by yourself, don’t blame yourself for something that isn’t your fault” to the whole world and pray that she’ll hear at least a smidge of his point.

“I wish I was the one hit instead.”

Changkyun freezes in place as soon as he heard that, and he wasn’t the only one. Hoseok drops the glass he was holding, immediately running to [Name] to give her a hug.

“Don’t say things like that, please!” Hoseok engulfs her in a tight hug, and he was near tears himself. It must be easy to say things like that when you’re not experiencing it, when you’re just a bystander given 0 context about what something or how it feels.

She cries onto his shoulder, begging to be the one dead, just to have Changkyun live. Begging to have him alive so she could have some kind of second chance. Begging for Changkyun, in any form, to exist in this world again. Begging.

He looks at them sadly, turning away so they wouldn’t see him cry. He feels pathetic to be crying by himself, especially with no one to comfort him. With [Name] unable to comfort him.

_[“I just want you to be okay, and **alive** .”] _

He wipes his tears with his sleeve.


End file.
